Hair Ball of Day

Reel Sex: The Many Shapes of Cinematic Beards

Great read! It’s rad that someone took the time to breakdown and analyze facial hair in films.  Gwen Reyes writes, ” For anyone who is not a pogonophile, let’s start light with the hair choice made most famous by Burt Reynolds and Tom Selleck: the mustache,” as if lubbing us up for the hairy goodness that is about to be unleashed on us. I think this is a great article to read on the pooper, just sayin’.

SEX MUSTACHE

One of my greatest loves, besides full-frontal male nudity in films, is a beard. Normally I would get up on my soap box and spout out tributes to the greatness of male facial hair, how it can instantly make a baby-faced boy look tough and intimidating. Or take a scrappy young man and make him appear soulful or whimsical. Facial hair can even play as much importance in telling the difference between a hipster or a homeless person (a game that is one of my favorite past times). And while I like to think more people share my love of male facial muffs, I’ve come to realize many audiences see facial hair as a costume or accessory meant to show a level of untrustworthy or roguish manliness that a clean-shaven character lacks. This is unfortunate as any level of facial hair can really mean more than just good versus evil on screen.

I have spent many years disappointing my parents with my choice in men and their accompanying facial hair, starting from the celebrities I chose to crush on (90s teen boy bands aside) to the men I brought home for Sunday night dinners. I have long been cursed with a love of beards I cannot deny myself. And as I have spent years writing about and stroking them (research!) it is about time Hollywood takes note of the diversity in beards and how they aren’t just for the bad guys anymore.

For anyone who is not a pogonophile, let’s start light with the hair choice made most famous by Burt Reynolds and Tom Selleck: the moustache. Being a child of the 90s, my father rocked one of these until he got too exhausted with maintaining it and just grew out a full beard. But if the last few years are anything to go by, the moustache is making a comeback in a big way on screen. Of course period films will feature more moustaches than not, as the actors want to touch the full sense of the character’s soul. Last April’s Kill the Irishman featured a moustached Ray Stevenson as Irish gangster Danny Greene. He played a character full of charm and sexuality, and 90 percent of that charisma radiated from that place between his nose and top lip. It might not have been the greatest film, but it did leave many ladies feeling an intense attraction to the Irishman.

Before the spring is over two more moustached heroes will make their debut on screen, both of whom appear to be less than likely Lotharios but who will certainly charm the pants off any one in the audience. Those lucky enough to attend this month’s Sundance International Film Festival will be treated with Rubber writer/director Quentin Dupieux’s newest feature Wrong starring the usually fabulous Jack Plotnick as Dolph a man who is on the hunt for his lost dog. If the trailer is to be believed this dog-gone-missing journey seems more Bellflower surreal than Wendy and Lucyheartbreaking, but what’s more compelling than the puppy story is the caterpillar residing under Dolph’s nose. It is less than intimating, and actually makes the 40-something actor look in his early thirties. The film promises to be an exploration of disappearing sanity, but what I can’t wait to see is how many men will start rocking a similar moustache.

Now you might say this next entry is not as highly anticipated as I might make it out to be, and you’re probably correct. But this isn’t an article on the film’s potential adorableness but rather the adorable creature sporting a bushy mo’. Danny DeVito stars as The Lorax in the newest CGI adaption of the Dr. Seuss classic, The Lorax. This time around 3D technology has advanced so much that audiences will have the chance to all but feel the small moustached peanut’s whiskers brush our cheeks. What made How to Train Your Dragon so memorable was the overwhelming 3D facial hair, and in a way Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax looks like it might just be as visually stunning as Vikings with dragons.

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